So this post is going to fall under the “Personal” category and you’ll clearly see why once you’ve finished reading. I’m not really sure how I’m going to start or how I’m going to finish or how I’m even going to structure this post because I have so many thoughts and opinions on this topic that are intertwining each other in my brain, making it hard for me to understand myself what I’m trying to say..but I’m going to try my best and bare with me. I have some jot notes next to be that I wrote up before, to try and help me out.
Alright, I’m just gonna begin by saying that as 2016 started to come to an end..probably from the beginning of November to the New Year… I haven’t been feeling myself… at all. And as cheesy and cliché as it sounds it’s true. My motivation and happiness levels are/were (?) at an all time low and I’ve never felt this way before in my life. I’ve never felt so unmotivated and unhappy in my 18 years of living and it’s such an odd, confusing and indescribable feeling.. that I’m obviously not really loving.
When I say unmotivated I mean I come home from 8 hours of work (8am – 4pm), have no desire to talk to anyone, eat something that either I or my Grandparents have prepared. Go into my room, lay down, fall asleep for about two hours, wake up, check my phone, go eat again and then get ready to sleep for the night at 10pm. And that every single night. On the weekends it plays out a little different other than the fact that I don’t work on the weekends. I never want to go out with friends here..well technically I barely have any friends here but I’ll get to that some other time.. I never want to study/learn german.. And I don’t want to go to dance. I honestly never thought that I’d say that last point because I love dancing. I mean I danced for 12 years and to just stop is really sad. It’s just dancing here is so different and I guess not as fun as it was in Canada. But all good things come to an end and we all have to move on and accept it!
Many people ask me what I do when I get home from work some evenings or what I did on the weekends and my answer every time is “nothing.” or “not much, just relaxed/chilled on my bed”. I wish I could say I have a bunch of friends that I often go out with here or get invited to a bunch of Partys..but sadly that’s not the case. I can’t sit here and complain though because going out and making friends is my own responsibility but ever since the beginning of November, I’ve just had no motivation to go out and try and make some friends. Quite frankly, I find it embarrassing on my part because I’m then labelled as a boring/awkward/confusing person that no one wants to hangout with. But again that’s all on me and I’m the only one to blame for that. However!! I do try and keep contact with some of my Canadian friends through Facebook and Snapchat.. but there’s a couple who don’t want to keep in touch (NOT that they said it or anything but it’s just kinda obvious if you know what I mean) And why should I keep making the effort if it’s just going to be an update every three months. But I mean I keep trying because that’s just the person I am..
Now to the “unhappy” part. The reason to why I’m not reaching my potential happiness levels is (obviously if you just read above) because of this lack of motivation. It makes me kind of sad to think back to grade 11 and 12, when I was so excited to actually get out and do things and be creative and to look at myself now, a guy who’s so unmotivated to do anything other than lay in bed and sleep is kind of depressing. I just want to be at that happiness and motivation level again! And I think that will all change when I get to University in April. It’s getting so close and I get a little more excited every day!
Just to add something here as a disclaimer.. for everyone who’s reading this and knows me personally. I’m not at all disregarding the time that I was in Canada for two weeks. My happiness level there was honestly so high because I was truly happy to see you all.. just my motivation level was still lagging. When I wasn’t with friends I was on my bed like usual. ALSO, I’m definitely not disregarding the (special) person I continue to see in Munich on the weekends. This person brings me so much happiness when we’re together, however..again.. my motivation is still kind of low.
I’m pretty sure I’m good at covering my emotions..I’m not 100% sure but no one has ever said anything to me, therefore I assume no one knows about all this. Or they do know and they just don’t want to say anything which is also ok because I don’t really like talking about it..therefore I write!
NOW on a happier note.. I have found some motivation through this blog! After starting this blog literally 3 days ago a whirlwind of creative ideas flooded my brain and I keep getting more and more and more excited to write! And today for the first time after I got home, I didn’t go lay in bed and fall asleep.. I took a couple of pictures and sat down and started writing immediately. I don’t know exactly what it is, but I just love the idea of owning my own blog and my own domain and being able to share my thoughts to people! I mean I know I’m not reaching millions of people and that’s definitely not the goal of this Blog…although that would be kinda cool to think about. I just want to share my thoughts to anyone who’s interested..and if there’s only 10 readers I’m still going to be so excited!
Making a Change.
I think if you’re struggling with motivation or being happy, there’s definitely something you can do about it..and you should! I’ve had enough of that feeling and decided it’s time for a change.
- I found something that interests me… a blog
- I invested some time into researching how to set up a blog and such…
- I invested some money into getting this blog up and running
- I just started writing!
That was my method of starting to regain motivation and happiness! I think everyone who’s struggling with motivation can fix it as long as they put just a little effort into starting something that interests them.
I’m not going to sugar coat it and say I’m extremely motivated and my happiness levels are at their highest points.. but I will say since starting a blog… I have found some motivation for just life in general and I’ve gotten a little more “content” each day.. if that makes sense.
Two quotes that I really like and I really stand by are:
“If you’re not happy.. make a change” and “Do more of what makes you happy”. I think it’s so important to make a change if you’re not feeling yourself and that’s exactly what I did.
Ok… again if you read this far.. wow thank you so much. I hope you were able to somewhat understand what I was trying to get across.. if you did… amazing. If you didn’t I’m so sorry, maybe try reading a second time ?! OR just go check out my other blog posts haha. I hope you enjoyed this post and make sure you check in soon so you don’t miss my newest posts! Also I don’t mind if you share on any of your social media platforms.. so go right ahead 😉
Have a wonderful day friends,